Summer's Choice
by avoidingnemo
Summary: Everyone made their choice. Ryan went back to Chino, Seth sailed off, and Marissa started drinking again. What choice will Summer make and who will help her make that decision?


Disclaimer: I still do not own anything. Well that isn't true, this time I do own the computer this story was written on. That is it.

Jo, thanks again for all your help and patience. This story would have found the trashcan if it wasn't for you.

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Summer's feet dangle off the side of the dock in the marina where Seth's boat should be. She's staring straight ahead, watching as the boats come and go. She takes note of every vessel and compares them to Seth's. From size, to color of the sails; nothing is overlooked. She's concentrating so hard on this game of hers that she doesn't hear the footsteps that should alert her of someone approaching.

A shadow crosses over Summer's lap and she looks up to see Ryan standing beside her.

"Hey, I thought I might find you here," Ryan comments, shifting his weight back and forth on his feet.

"Chino. Why would you think I would be here? I don't come here often," Summer rushes. She knows her cheeks are probably pink and is suddenly grateful that her tan covers up the telltale signs of embarrassment. The last thing she needs is for Chino to feel sorry for her because she is sitting at the marina like some love-struck girl waiting for her sailor to return.

Ryan gives her his signature glare as if to say, 'Yeah, right.'

She ignores it. Changing the subject, she asks, "What are you doing here anyway?"

Ryan shrugs. "I had the day off. I thought I would come check on...."

Summer doesn't hear the rest of what Ryan's saying. She stares back out into the ocean, not really focusing on anything, but also being lured in by the repetitive movement of the waves.

As Ryan moves to sit down beside her, she notices that the weathered wooden planks are split in some places and are pinching her thighs where her short miniskirt doesn't cover. She pulls one thigh up and then the other, allowing her hands to slip under and act as shields. It's early evening, but the wood and the metal nails in the boards are still warm from a day of being exposed to the sun.

Ryan breaks the uneasy silence by asking, "Summer, are you okay?"

Summer turns her head toward Ryan and then lets her eyes drift around the marina before answering him. "Why wouldn't I be okay? Because my boyfriend sailed off on his rickety boat leaving me with only a note? Because my best friend gets drunk every night? And during the day, when she isn't drunk, I'm stuck holding her hair back while she pukes, promising that she'll stay sober? I'm fine, really," she says sarcastically.

She takes one of her hand out from beneath her leg and waves it around at all the large boats in the marina. "Look around you, Ryan. All these boats are so much bigger than Seth's little boat. What if he...." She won't finish her sentence. She refuses to think that Seth might not come back, or more importantly, _why _he wouldn't return.

Ryan reaches over and puts his hand over hers. She thinks it feels odd to have someone other than Seth touch her, but she doesn't pull away. "He'll come back. He just had to figure some stuff out. That's all."

Summer pulls her hand away immediately. "Don't. I know that Seth's, like, your best friend, brother even, and that you won't say anything bad about him, but don't defend him. Not to me. He stood on a coffee cart and swore his love for me in front of the entire school. Then, when it was my turn to prove myself to him, he doesn't even give me the chance. He just leaves." She pauses before continuing, "Do you know how I found out he left?" she asks, looking Ryan in the eyes. A part of her is trying to appear strong, but another part of her is begging for him to recognize the hurt that Seth has caused her.

Ryan shrugs. He continues to hold her stare, but remains silent.

"I went over to his house. I had a basket full of his favorite chips and candy. I planned on us relaxing and watching _The Goonies_. It's Seth's favorite movie and always makes him laugh. But instead of laughing with my boyfriend, his parents gave me a note. A note! Do you know what it's like to be left through a note?" Summer practically yells.

Ryan immediately looks down. She waits for a moment but realizes that he won't look up. Instead, he stares at his hands like he's seeing them for the first time.

Realization strikes Summer, and her eyes grow wide. She covers her mouth with her hands. "I'm sorry. I forgot."

He nods, letting her know that he isn't mad. "It's okay. Being left with only a note, it...." Ryan looks down again, clearly struggling to find the words.

"Hurts?" Summer stares at Ryan until he's forced to look her in the eyes.

He looks up and nods. "But Seth, he didn't mean to...you know, hurt you.

He just couldn't go back to being that guy that everyone ignored. Not after a year of finally getting the girl of his dreams," Ryan states as he smiles and elbows her playfully.

"But I'm not the one that left." Almost under her breath she adds, "You are."

Ryan once again searches his hands for answers and she knows that he heard her. She has seen him carry the weight of the world on his shoulders so many times, that it is easy to throw this on him too. But deep down she doesn't really blame him for Seth leaving, and she should apologize but can't.

This time it's her turn to study her hands as she voices the one sentence that keeps playing in her mind like a broken record. "He still had me," she says, softening up her tone as she repeats, "He still had me."

Actually voicing her fears of inadequacy to someone else leaves her shaken, but she's determined to pull herself together. Making her voice sound stronger, she continues, "The funny thing is, by him leaving, now I'm the one by myself. I can't talk to my dad; he only tells me that he was right about Seth all along. My best friend is never sober long enough to know that she wasn't the only one who got left behind. Hell, I even thought about calling Anna, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I was right. That Seth got bored with me and left."

"Don't think like that. It's my fault he left. Not yours."

"It's Seth's fault he left," she spits harshly. Her voice now returning to normal, she continues, "He had a choice to make and he made it. Just like you made the choice to go back to Chino and just like Marissa made the choice to start drinking again." She looks down and rubs one perfectly manicured hand over the other. "I guess now it's my turn to make a choice," she adds sadly.

"Don't give up on him, Summer," Ryan begs quietly.

She feels like she is looking at Ryan for the first time. She sees the tough exterior that almost all of Newport sees, but now she also sees what Seth and Marissa see. Here is a guy that would do anything for the people he cares about. He has every reason to not trust people, yet he is still trusting Seth and pleading with her to do the same. She feels like a cartoon character with a devil and an angel on each of her shoulders. Only her devil is the old Summer and her angel is the new Summer. Bitchy versus lovable. Heart of stone versus heart on sleeve. The old Summer saying, "He left you. He doesn't deserve you sitting around waiting for him. I bet there's a party going on at Holly's tonight." And the new Summer saying, "He would never do anything to hurt you. He cares for you. Give him time."

Summer breaks out of her internal struggle and looks up at Ryan again. "I'm trying, Chino. But I can't be the girl that sits out here waiting for him everyday. I just can't. But if I'm not that girl, then what do I do? Go back to being the party girl? I see what that's doing to

Marissa. But I'm not Marissa and it would be so easy, comfortable even."

Ryan immediately cuts her off. "Comfortable isn't always right," he says with a definite edge in his voice.

She doesn't ask him to clarify that statement. She doesn't need him to. She knows him well enough to know that he blames himself - blames himself for choosing what was comfortable when he was hurting - for the situation that they are all in now. The part of her that is angry secretly agrees that it is his fault. The rational part of her knows it isn't anyone's fault. She doesn't bother to correct him.

Growing frustrated, Summer asks, "Then what do I do?"

Ryan slips his arm around her waist. "_We_ wait."

The majority of the sun dips below the horizon while the remaining rays filter through a thin layer of clouds. The reds and oranges spread across the entire horizon, dancing with the blue waves of the ocean. The backdrop is peppered with the colorful sails of the boats returning to shore for the night. It's picture perfect.

Ryan and Summer sit in silence for a few moments watching the sun set, his arm still draped around her waist. To an outsider, it would look like a young couple enjoying a romantic evening. But Summer knows the truth. They are two people waiting on the boy that changed them both.

Summer leans against Ryan's shoulder. She nods her head and confirms, "We wait."


End file.
